The Whole Lesbian Sex Book - A Passionate Guide for All of Us: Selling Sadomasochism as Lesbian Sex

• Published in: The Lesbian review of books Vol. VII; no. 3; p. 3
• Main Author: Menashe, Ann E
• Format: Book Review
• Language: English
• Published: Lesbian Review of Books 30-04-2001
• Subjects: Gays & lesbians; Literature; Sexual behavior; Sexuality
• ISSN: 1077-5684

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book says it is a "comprehensive nonjudgmental guide to lesbian sex." What I found it to be is a highly opinionated, doctrinaire, and, at times, "judgmental" espousal of the "superior" eroticism of sado-masochism, bondage and discipline, dominance and submission ("BDSM") and male/female, butch/femme roles. Throughout the book, Newman portrays BDSM as the sine qua non of lesbian sexual pleasure -- to be enthusiastically embraced by all but the most narrow and prudish of dykes. The emphasis on BDSM is so overwhelming that lesbian sexuality is subsumed by it. This leaves precious little that resonates with my own rich and varied experience of lesbian sexuality. I suspect other lesbians may feel similarly about this book but may hesitate to articulate their feelings for fear of being labeled "anti-sex." For Newman, as for other advocates of BDSM, the biggest taboo is the use of one's critical faculties in matters of sexuality. She writes: "suspend judgment... Forget the political ramifications of your desires. Forbid yourself nothing" (7, 9). Whether Newman is referring to such practices as "knife- play," "rape scenes," "breast whipping," "caning," "master-slave role play," or "age-based and gender-based power roles," the one thing that is absolutely forbidden is to examine why it is that such activities are experienced as erotic (10, 194). Nor must one consider whether treating pain, torture, and humiliation as erotic "play" that is enjoyable to both parties may affect life outside the bedroom. Does it not lead us to trivialize the ongoing problem of misogynist, homophobic, and racist violence that permeates every institution of our society? Does it not cool our outrage and anesthetize us to the consequences of such violence in the real world? For if pain is a "turn-on" and bruises can be fun, maybe women who stay with men (or women) who dominate, batter, and abuse them are really content and somehow "choose" their subordination. That's what they've been telling us all along. By asking such questions, I will likely be accused of being "judgmental." Yet Newman herself does not hesitate to judge eating disorders and drug/alcohol addictions as problematic behaviors that are "barriers to self-love" (an assessment with which I agree). This is despite the fact that these behaviors are self-inflicted (women "choose" to get drunk or abuse drugs, to starve and purge, etc.) and therefore, by definition, "consensual." She advocates "not getting drunk or high to have sex." "Being fully available in body and spirit means dealing with problems that rob you of your life" (60).