Regulating relationship risk: Partner responsiveness as a safety signal

• Published in: Current opinion in psychology Vol. 50; p. 101582
• Main Author: Murray, Sandra L.
• Format: Journal Article
• Language: English
• Published: Netherlands Elsevier Ltd 01-04-2023
• Subjects: Cues; Emotions; Humans; Interpersonal Relations; Relationships; Responsiveness; Risk-regulation; Safety; Trust; Responsiveness; Relationships; Safety; Risk-regulation
• ISSN: 2352-250X; 2352-2518; 2352-250X
• DOI: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2023.101582

People are fundamentally motivated to be included in safe relationships – relationships where they are consistently cared for and protected. Building on the risk-regulation model, this article describes five cues (i.e., affectionate touch, gratitude, acceptance, investments, power) that romantic partners can use to gauge their value to one another, and thus, how safe they are trusting one another to be responsive in specific situations. It also describes how feeling more versus less safe in response to these cues contingently motivates partners to increase connection versus protect themselves against being hurt. The article concludes by describing how people who are chronically less trusting misread these cues, a pessimistic bias that results in them protecting themselves against being hurt unnecessarily, compromising connection.
•Romantic partners regulate risk to satisfy goal to feel safe/invulnerable to hurt.•Track five cues to their value to one another to gauge one another's responsiveness.•Cues include affectionate touch, gratitude, acceptance, investments, power.•Cues control motivations to connect versus self-protect in specific situations.•Less trusting romantic partners too often self-protect, compromising connection.